Encouragement

Recently a very good friend of mine sent me a text saying she went to dinner with some high school friends, and for the first time got major judgement from one of them on how she dressed. She went on to say it was over a particular shirt she had bought at a very popular clothing store. Without going in to details she basically told my friend maybe she shouldn’t be shopping at such a store. What you need to know is my friend is very tasteful in how she dresses. She has a very cute shape and she doesn’t in any way wear her clothes in a distasteful way and the store sells different kinds of fashions that can accommodate any woman or their size.

After that text exchange I started thinking about this dinner she had with friends and came to the realization women struggle with encouraging one another, lifting each other up and telling each other they’re beautiful. As women we are reminded daily we aren’t good enough. Watch a TV show or pick up a magazine. Even what they call plus size aren’t plus sized at all. We’re told we have to look, be, and act a certain way to gain acceptance and most of us fall into that trap of trying very hard to be that person,  we often lose sight of the person we are and who God intended us to be.

I am that person. I’m sure a lot of you are too. To be a bit candid, I have struggled with anxiety and self esteem issues most of my life. I didn’t grow up in a home where encouragement was issued freely. Nor did I grow up being told I was pretty or beautiful. My anxiety has been paralyzing at times and has kept me from participating in many activities and frankly has robbed me of much joy. It’s the same with my self esteem issues. It’s a battle fought daily and most days I feel as though I win, and then there can be the one day when someone looks at me in a weird way or can even say something I feel isn’t too kind and I’m paralyzed.

A few years back my friend told me one day when we were in church I walked by and the person she and another person were speaking with stopped her conversation and looked at me and then back to them and said, “who does she think she is?” I was crushed. My spirit was crushed and it took me months of sitting in my car taking deep breaths and giving myself a pep talk before I could walk in to church. The same goes for the teacher that told me in 8th grade once I got rid of my braces and glasses, I should be pretty. Or the friend that picked out a less popular guy and told me “he” would probably go to prom with me.

I say none of this because I’m searching for pity. I merely want to tell you words can be crushing. You have no idea what you choose to say to someone can crush their spirit. And I’m not without fault here. I’m sure I don’t spend enough time encouraging the women around me. Especially those I’m closet to, but even those you don’t know should be offered encouragement.  Words are powerful and as women I feel our vocabulary lacks the  words that build one another up. A simple you look beautiful today could be just the thing that sets the tone for the rest of their day.

Most people that know me would never guess I lack self esteem and suffer from all of this anxiety. Most would never know I can’t go into a restaurant alone without my heart palpitating so much I think I could pass out. Or attending any event by myself. Most people would never know I can’t get up in the middle of church and use the restroom. And most people would never know I can only look at my face in the mirror to get my makeup on. Because you see, I can make the outside look so good. But it’s the inside that’s a mess! Just writing this blog and sharing it, will almost give me a panic attack. That’s what most women don’t understand. Looking good on the outside is easy, but it’s those dang tapes playing in our heads telling us we don’t or we won’t measure up that messes up the inside.

Ladies, our daily lives should be spent encouraging the women around us. Not tearing them down because they wear a certain outfit, or shop a certain store, or have a certain style or want to have a career or choose to stay home, and I could go on and on. We must build each other up. We must teach our daughters how to encourage, compliment and build their friends up. We need to pray for each other and we need to share our struggles. That’s the purpose of me sharing a bit of my story, to show I don’t have it all together and I have many struggles every single day, but I want to commit to work harder in telling those women around me how special they are. And I would like to ask you to do the same. We must empower each other to get through this crazy, beautiful life.

My daughter posted this a few years back on Facebook and it resonated with me so much. In fact, I wanted to tattoo it on my arm so I could have a daily reminder but I didn’t, however, I pull it out on those particularly hard days and read it, and I try real hard to put that tape in my head; to know where my worth comes from. I encourage you to do the same. Ladies, reach out to the women around you and tell them how beautiful they are. Let’s all work hard to build each other up and stop tearing each other down with our words. And especially those we call our friends. Every single female that reads this, please know I think you’re beautiful and you’re extraordinary and you need to know where your worth comes from! Share this if you will. Much love my friends! xoxo

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Psalms 139:14